So I've been trying to think of what I could write this week to adequately describe what it has been. The best I could come up with was "The highest of highest, and the lowest of lows." I haven't really shared much about the struggles of my mission, but I feel that I should at this time for some reason.
Coming on a mission, I knew it would be hard. I knew there would be opposition, trials, pains, sorrows, etc... but I never put into consideration the fact that the adversary is going to do all he can possibly do to stop me. Well...my testimony was shaken last week after meeting with a woman who had very valid points to the bible, wanting to "convert" us, and "save" us as we bore our testimonies to her. It seemed that everything we had to say she refuted, and I was spiritually exhausted. I let Satan in, instead of immediately asking Heavenly Father to help me be strong. Wednesday morning I broke down because I didn't know where I stood, where my testimony was, I didn't feel strong enough to be here, I didn't feel worthy enough to be here. I didn't think I could help others come to the truth because I didn't know if I knew it was true or not myself. All these thoughts Satan was putting into my head, and I was trying to fight back but it wasn't working. My sweet companion Sister Andersen suggests we go on a walk, and we walk across a bridge on the Mississippi talking and thinking, then take some time just sitting down by the river. I got thinking about my ancestors, the pioneers - and all they went through. I was reminded of their hardships, of Joseph Smith and his persecutions, of the early saints leaving Nauvoo, and crossing that very same river in the middle of winter (without the luxury of a bridge or tennis shoes), all because they knew the church was true. I prayed, and talked with my Father in Heaven for quite some time...and finally got to the point where I had to command Satan away...and immediately I was at peace. I prayed for comfort, and I got it. I prayed to know that God was there, and I felt His arms around me the way He always does in my big "daddy hugs" just like my daddy does at home. :) I prayed for the strength to continue on, pleading for "His angels round about me to bear me up"...because I knew I could not do it alone. As we got up and starting walking, I felt as though I was being lifted and pushed along. I had to come to this lowest point, to finally believe and know why I am here. The adversary is going to continue fighting against all that is good and all that we know and have been taught and known our whole lives. We have to be strong, and rely on those basic truths...truly believing that we can overcome all things through Christ. As we approach the second coming, it's only going to get worse. If you are struggling in your own testimony, know that it is only Satan trying to bring you down...don't let him! The light is so much stronger than the dark. We are here on this earth because we were righteous and valiant in the beginning...and we must continue to be.
We had the incredible privilege of meeting with Elder Robert Gay of the 70, just 2 days after this experience, and it solidified those very things. We have to truly put on the armor of God, and share that armor with all those around us. We must hear the deep voice within us and know that we have more power and strength than we think. GOD IS GOOD. ALL THE TIME. We have to remember who we are, and where we came from. We have to be in tune and listen to the spirit in ALL that we do. As members of the church, not just missionaries, we have a responsibility to share the gospel...and why would we not want to share what has brought us the most peace, happiness, and joy in our lives? To those who are not members of the church, come see what the gospel brings. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, that "a man will come closer to God by abiding by it's precepts than by any other book." It has changed so many lives, and will continue to do so; because it's true. I would invite everyone to open it today and see what Heavenly Father wants you to know.
My heart is full of gratitude for the constant love I feel from both heaven and earth. This work, the work of salvation, is so much more than we can comprehend. We are all missionaries, we are all children of God, we are all special to Him. He knows us perfectly. He knows us individually. I am grateful for this time to refine myself and come to understand that my mission will never end. This is a new era of missionary work and I am grateful to be a part of it. I know that everyone we meet and come in contact with is not by accident. I know that Christ lives, that Heavenly Father loves me, that the gift of the Holy Ghost is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I know the Atonement, the gospel, the plan of happiness, is real. I love my Savior, Redeemer, older brother, Jesus Christ with all my heart and am so grateful for what He has done for me. As long as we are on this earth, we will always make mistakes and cannot be perfect...but it is through His perfection and sacrifice that we can return to live in the presence of our Heavenly parents again. Speaking of parents: I have the most incredible and amazing parents on the face of the planet and am so grateful for them and all they do for me. Also my siblings...they are such a strength to me, and my best friends. To all my family (which really means everyone)... I LOVE YOU!!!!
All my Love,
Sister Natalia Chantae Alston
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